Living with ME

The Missing Link

Your parcel is travelling between our Northwest and West depot.

Sometime after my sixth reading of an e-mail yesterday, I realised what this short sentence of words were actually saying to me. The terse statement finally showing its meaning.

Up until then, I thought the words meant my parcel was on a van and out for delivery. My body sitting by a window all morning waiting for an elusive van driver. My brain dipping in and out of the e-mail while my thoughts rushed ahead, Screaming “What if the parcel’s gone to the wrong address? What if someone else has it? What if? What if? WHAT IF?????

Sometime after that sixth reading, the penny began to drop and slowly reach my pocket, as I sat back and finally acknowledged the parcel in question was not out for delivery but rather travelling to my nearest depot, where it would eventually be delivered from (It arrived this morning).

This escapade of simple word solving was unfortunately not a new for me.

I’ve become familiar with the neurological symptoms of ME over the past six years. The symptoms that make reading a simple statement like the one above as complicated as attempting to piece together a jigsaw blindfolded.

As I said, I’ve become accustomed to such jigsaw making. That is, as accustomed as one can become to completing such a frustratingly simple task.

The neurological symptoms of ME are as cruel as the physical symptoms and along with ensuring simple tasks such as e-mail reading become ardent tests of deciphered code, there’s also the brain whizzing, electrical shorting episodes. Where an unseen wheel spins and fires between the fibers of my brain.

Ironically, this brain whizzing occurs most often when I’ve the least amount of energy in my tank to combat it, making stopping this bombardment of criss-crossing firing wires even more difficult.

During this ramped up brain missile firing war, all I want to do is chop my head off and throw it down the nearest hill. Thankfully, as such an option is not viable, my brain does eventually settle with the aid of rest.

As for the reading between the lines of a spoken sentence… don’t ask me to.

Say what you mean and be blunt about it.



One thought on “The Missing Link

  1. You describe this phenomena quite accurately. I find the cognitive impairment of ME to be the most frustrating – I’m with you on wanting to cut my head off and throw the stupid thing away. Take care.

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