Early in my diagnosis, I attempted dumping my new friend myalgic encephalomyelitis.
Trawling the internet I tried understanding why she picked my couch to hang out on and searched how to forcibly remove her. However, there were no answers. Researchers have theories and doctors opinions but there are no solutions.
If you break an arm you follow a particular path prescribed by a physician but if you are lucky enough to share my friend you find yourself in an unfamiliar desert. That said, my GP and consultant are fantastic, both recognise the illness and its severity but there is very little either can do for me and so I quickly realised the control lies with me. It’s up to me to do the best for me, to pace myself, to eat well, to rest, to respect the limits and be as smart as possible.
This puzzle solving led my feet to the door of acceptance. I had no choice, she was going nowhere and I couldn’t run from her.
There is no such thing as pushing through her and I can’t ignore her, as she constantly reminds me of my limitations. So, that only left reluctant acceptance. Although it doesn’t mean I have to like her.
Grey View by Marie H Curran
A girl sits deep in Manhattan
looking to the sky.
Smoke and dirt cloud over
Concrete trees surround her
(Colours all the same)
Just as she surrenders
a yellow cab